I guess some things will always be a mystery to me. I’m not wet behind the ears or anything, but there are times in life when I have to step back and ask the universe, “Do what now?” The most mysterious things to me are the actions of other people. Why do people do what they do? What makes them behave that way?

Criminals, for example, are especially baffling. Some of them are very skilled and escape the law for a long time. Some forever. But more often than not, they aren’t the most cunning.

For instance, approaching a complete stranger and asking said stranger if he/she would like to buy drugs. Really? This seems like a very unwise thing to do. That person might be a cop. Or that person might call the cops on you. I always thought that drug dealing was supposed to be a rather clandestine affair. Why not knock door to door like the Avon lady? “Yes would you like to buy some crack today? Pills? I have some black tar heroin on sale.” Strange.

I also don’t get going out on a limb to steal insignificant items. I can understand stealing food, necessities for one’s child, medication needed to save the life of a loved one. But mascara? Lightbulbs? A CD? DVD? KY? Okay. I understand juveniles pulling a juvenile stunt. But adults do this. Why? I think if I were going to risk being arrested, I’d at least want to make it worth it. Dr. Pepper lip gloss? Although yummy, not worth jail time.

Exposing yourself in public. Also a mystery. What is the point? And yes, it is illegal, even in New Orleans. Even on Bourbon St. Even on Mardi Gras. And I for one wouldn’t want to be the hungover tourist sitting in Orleans Parish Prison covered in delousing powder alongside a dozen potentially violent criminals. Let’s face it. We have the number one murder rate in the U.S. right now.

 I also can’t grasp sex in a public restroom. All I have to say to this is a resounding, “EW!” I am afraid to even touch anything or use the toilet in a public restroom. Just. Yuck.