An Undefined Number of Reasons in No Particular Order About Why I Envy Spongebob Squarepants

If I had to pick a number one reason why I envy this yellow and permeable cartoon character it would be because he loves his job so #^$%& much.

- Makin' Krabby Patties

I want to love my job that much. Everyone should be so happy just to have a job. Most of us aren’t, although we’re all quite aware that we would be living in cardboard boxes without our jobs. Even people with good jobs hate their jobs. But not this guy. Considering most of us spend more time at work that with our families, we should all be so damn elated to go there. He flips burgers and loves it. I’ve worked in fast food. I’d sell my body before I’d go back to it. It’s miserable. But somehow he loves it. He doesn’t even care that he’s mistreated by his boss.

-Spongebob Squarepants

I guess number two can be that he is happy about every damn thing all the time. Rarely is Spongebob presented in a bad mood. Except for that once when he got an abrasive side . . . . He is the picture of glee, we should all take a leaf from his book. Of course most of us can’t without the aid of prescriptions-which help, too. Any day is cause for celebration in the life of this sponge who appears to have gone down someone’s kitchen sink and drifted to the bottom of the ocean.

-Not Spongebob

The third reason is he’s a very crafty bubble blower. Yesterday my son and I sat outside blowing bubbles, and between the two of us maybe got five whole bubbles. Mostly we just blew strings of bubble solution at each other.

- Porous Pockets

My final reason: he’s super popular and his career is far more lucrative than mine will ever be!

But I don’t begrudge this sponge. I only wish that I could share his positive outlook, find beauty in simple things, and be so grateful for being alive. Although he isn’t. Because he’s a cartoon. But still.

(Spongebob Squarepants, created by Stephen Hillenburg, is a trademark of Viacom International Inc.)